Home improvement is a grind

So on Thursday morning my wife comes and announces to me that I have to get up because our dogs are in the neighbors yard. This of course makes me nervous because our neighbors dog is rather aggresive. So with sleep in my eyes and a shirt on backwards I march into the living room to find that Mary has already rounded up the dogs and that are in the living room wondering where breakfast is. I'm not a morning person and never have been, so this was not how I wanted to begin my day. Mary went on to work and I went into the backyard to find out how my Houdini Hounds performed their Great Escape. Now Mary and I enjoy watching CSI, and CSI Miami, so I looked for forensic clues in order to solve this mystery.

Evidence 1: The screws attaching the lock hasp for the gate in the side yard were backed out and the gate had been opened.

Evidence 2: There were tracks in the side yard in front of the gate. Mary and I don't use that gate and haven't in several months, so whoever loosened the gate latch must have made the tracks.

This must have happened on Wednesday evening. I couldn't sleep and didn't go to bed until 1:30am, and Mary was sick and was up around 4:30am. The dogs were home when Mary arrived on Wednesday evening and the side gate was closed. This makes us think this was intentional and occurred in the dead of night. This is not something that you discover and then sleep well the following night.

I called the Sherriff's Department and made a report. They said they would add an additional patrol in our neighborhood. Fastforward to Thursday evening and you'll find Mary and I at Lowes. We bought a new double keyed dead bolt, that after installing I feel a person would have to be double jointed at the wrist, elbow, and shoulder to dismantle it from the outside. We also bought some chain, new locks, screen frames, screen corners, screen tensioners, screen material and curtains for our backdoor. This resulted in a bill of $260. OUCH! Thursday night I chained and locked the gates, installed the new curtain, and installed the new deadbolt. We slept well, but with a loaded gun next to us.

Saturday I start building screens. This is that black, dense, solar screen that blocks like 90% of the sun's heat at the window. It also blocks people from looking in and is quite attractive. Now I know nothing about building screens so I took great pains in measuring, measuring, and measuring again. Hell, I think it took me 3 or 4 hours to build the first one. I won't bore you with any of the details, but its harder that it looks. By the time I went to bed on Satuday I had built 6 5'X3' and 2 3.5'X 3' screens, leaving one little one for the bathroom. I'm fairly pleased with the results.

BEFORE...

AFTER!!!



As you can see, the windows are now dark. Nice huh? Oh well if you aren't impressed go build some screens and then give an opinion, Mr. "I can't tell much of a difference".

Anyone who's ever done much in the way of home improvement knows that its a pain in more ways than one. Friday Mary and I had cleaned up the house so it looked oh so nice. Bad idea. Never, and I mean NEVER clean before you're going to do any "projects".

Exhibit Z



And of course no home improvement job is complete until you've gone to the hardware store at least one more time (and spent an additional $150), found out at the end of the project you are missing some vital part and go on without it, and of course paid respect to Tim the Tool Man Taylor with a piece of your flesh or a few drops of your blood (I paid both just in case).



Hey, quit laughing, that thing looked worse yesterday. Oh, and it still hurts. Really goes to show what an idiot with a roller knife can do. I mean, who thinks up these tools of self mutilation? Hmmm, lets put a knife on the opposite end of this roller, and make it hook shaped. I never had a chance.

This afternoon we hung the last screen, and then checked the perimeter for holes in the fence. We found lots of fencing staples that were missing and I drove them back in. I also had to patch a hole in the wire. Mary (who also watches CSI) said the wires had "tool marks" on them. Meaning that this was intentional, and if we could match them to some known wire cutters we'd know who did it. I was ready to call the Sherriff again until she pointed out that wires were rusted and the cuts had been made a long time ago. I swear I'm getting her a badge and magnifying glass for Valentines day.

Anyway, thats another off the list of things to get done. So tonight the Seahawks got spanked (bad officiating) and Mary and I witnessed that travesty at her parents house. A good time was had by all, or if you prefer, they all lived happily ever after (until the next project was begun, at which point the author of the blog was sent to the hospital for emergency transfusions and stitches).

Good night all, and have a great week.