Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fat Tuesday...

... and I mean artery clogging fat. Mary and I fell of our diets over the last week, and tomorrow being Ash Wednesday we are going back on them hot and heavy, to get cool and lean. Sorry, I know that was a bad joke, you have permission to smack my hand when next we meet if you choose to do so.

So on Fat Tuesday you're supposed to really blow it out because tomorrow Lent is upon us and we give up something we like. Well, we decided to have some greasy burgers. Mary called in to Skinny's (I can't believe they don't have a website) and asked me what I wanted. Seeing as I've only had Skinny's once before, and that was probably 2 years ago, I forgot about the portions. I tell Mary to get me a Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Yes, I capitalized it and you're about to find out why.

IT WAS A WHOLE FREAKING POUND OF FRIED UP GROUND COW!!!

Probably a cow that didn't have a gun.

This thing is comical in it's proportions. Eat it like a sandwich? Only if my jaw is double jointed! This was mashed flat and it was still over 2 inches thick. Of course the bread was a joke. I'm sure it tasted good, but after absorbing enough grease to turn the buns clear (no, I'm not exagerating) they were freaking great! Bacon? Try 8 pieces. Cheese? Swiss, 2 pieces instead of one. Add to this a double order of chili cheese tater tots covered in garlic ranch dressing...

... I'm still miserable full.

I'm looking forward to the diet, because diet food may not taste anywhere near as good, but it doesn't make you're heart beat faster and get you short of breath the way Skinny's does.

Bring on the ham sandwich, I am ready.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Some people have a bit of time on their hands...

And this is why I keep so many guns on hand at all times. You never know when the cows are going to rise up, and you might have to put down a cud chewing, four stomached bovine in order to save your family.

Crazy like a cow.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Hunting update

So this weekend I went to the lease for one last hunt.

I must say, it was.... FRICKIN' COLD OUT DERE! On the way out the door the brass monkey was heard to say "Sucks to be you".

Saturday morning dawned (I think, it was dark and cold) at only 22 degrees and everything crusted with frost, to find me sitting in a 4' X 4' box on the side of a hill. Luckily I had my portable propane heater with me. Sorta.

I finally get the match to stay lit long enough to light the heater, and it blows up on me. I don't mean we had a little flare up. No, we had a fireball blast up in my face, but I was warm for a split second as my eyebrows burned. So now I'm freezing my butt off and I've got a heater on fire. Hunting at its best.

So around 9:30am I see a pair of deer off on a far ridge about 5oo yards away. Needless to say I didn't take a shot. A little later I watched a pair of doe come down the hill towards me. I should clarrify at this point that deer season is over, but we are supposed to be taking these deer off our lease to keep the herd's health up and prevent starvation. So I got a range finder for Chirstmas, but they don't work at all when stuff is frosty. The frost diffuses the laser and stuff that is close by reads as being 2000 yards away. Now I was corrected as to the distance my buck was killed at. I was originally told 350yards, but later told about 250. Using keeping these points in mind, I thought the doe were about 175 yards out. Turns out they were out 238 yards. Very agrivating.

I shot the larger of the doe at what was really 238. If you know anything about ballistics you know that stuff up close to you, the bullet impacts higher than when it impacts downrange. Gravity ya know. I could explain it, but it involves alot of math.

Long story longer, I am such a skilled shot that I hit the larger doe between her skin and her rib cage. Think about this, there is only about 1/2 inch of muscle between the skin and the sternum. The bullet is .308 in diameter, while the meat at this point is only .500. What are the odds? I skinned her chest and shaved a fist full of hair off of her but didn't do more than give her a shaving cut.

So feeling pretty good about myself, I sit back and let her settle down before starting to track her. While I'm relaxing (by now the sun is up and it's actually quite pleasant) I spot a squirrel down at the feeder. If you've read previously, I have tried to kill the squirrel at this feeder before. Well today he was in big trouble. He must have been a 5 pounder. He reared up on his hind legs, bared his little fangs, and charged. I must say, if you've never been on the receiving end of a wild squirrel charge, it is quite an experience. I knew I only had two rounds left in my gun, and he was getting ready to charge. I fired and missed, he kept coming, but my follow up round anchored him and saved me from a terrible gnawing. I was glad I had brought my .308 loaded with Hornady Light Magnum 150 grain Super Shock Tip that travel at 3000 feet per second in order to fend off such dangerous game. I was sure to prod him with my rifle when I got to the feeder just in case he was feigning injury in order to lure me within striking distance. Those squirrel are some dangerous game.

Anyway, back to the doe that I shot.

We followed a VERY spotty blood trail for a few hours until we could verify that she was not crippled and would fully recover.

At this point it was 2pm, I was a bit dehydrated and very hungry. I also managed to wrench my back somehow. So after lunch I slept for about 30 minutes before going out for the evening hunt. I called in a grey/gray (depends if you are from the UK I think) fox to within 50 yards. I would post pictures of this fox, but I shot him in the face. VERY messy. But the hide is in good condition and will tan nicely when I get some cash for the taxidermist. I was busy calling in a red fox when I looked off to my right and saw a very small doe at around 30 yards. I was thinking about shooting her since this was my last hunt of the year and my freezer is getting low, when she looked back behind my blind. I looked over my shoulder and saw 5 more doe behind me. The back window was closed and the deer were starting to bolt. I popped the window open and shot the biggest one.

She dressed out at 80lbs, which is quite big for doe on our lease. I didn't take a pic of her because doe just all look alike.

So there you have it. The last hunt of the 2006/2007 season.

1 Buck, 1 Doe, 1 Squirrel, 1 Fox taken.

8 Doe, 2 Squirrel, 3 Fox, and 1 Porcupine spotted.

Oh yeah, I already bought William a deer rifle.