Merry Christmas!

So it is now officially Christmas, and I get to spend it's first hour with my son. He doesn't seem to enthused about it. In fact he's had a bit of tummy trouble lately and isn't the biggest fan of eatting. It is all pretty stressful when you've got a screaming baby who's hungry, and does the gurgle thing when he's screaming through a mouth full of formula.

In other news, I finished my Christmas shopping with 2 days to spare. I think that is a new record for me. I've been busy being a parent these last few weeks, but managed to fix a few things around the house.

In regards to the flush remark I made awhile back, here's the story. Before Mary and I got married we decided to redo the floor in the bathroom. This was prompted because the toilet leaked at the floor and was rotting out the linoleum. I ripped out the floor, replaced a broken toilet flange, layed tile, and grouted while Mary was gone over a weekend. Yes, sometimes if things go right I can get things done quickly. Well, a few months later Mary used some bath oil in the tub and failed to mention this to me. I stepped into the shower and promptly fell out of the bath. Luckily the toilet was there to break my fall. I spun the pot off the flange, and only had one bolt left holding everything together. It didn't leak, but rocked around alot. In would also spin if you weren't paying attention.

Eventually the toilet supply valve decided to give up it's continence after 25 years. I replaced the valve with a 90 degree ball valve. This was smart because at some point down the road my son will flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the bowl in a single go. We've all been there right? Watching the water rise towards the top of the bowl. Begging it to stay in while you feverishly try to close that multi turn valve that is stuck. Not me. With the flick of my wrist the water is shut off c0mpletely and instantly.

While I was at it I replaced the toilet guts (circa 1987). A kit runs about $20, and is money well spent. All said and done, the toilet doesn't run, I don't have to jiggle the handle, it flushes right the first time (screw those water saver toilets, I want one that William needs to be tied to the sink to keep from getting sucked into the septic tank), and I no longer have to use the shower wand to fill the tank when I want to flush the pot. This may seem an unimportant task, but if your wife has ever given you the "what's wrong with you? This isn't a barn you know" look you'll understand the satisfaction that comes with a happy wife.

Oh yeah, here's some pics to tide you over for awhile.

He's the gift that keeps on pooping.

Mary and Will headed to Christmas Ever service, no I didn't go, and no I don't feel bad.

Close up cutie.

Yes, he's trying to nurse my nose. I told him he wouldn't be happy with anything that came out.

Hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas. God bless, we're headed to bed.

MUSIC GEEKS UNITE!

Enjoy.

Family!

Weekend update, I finished sealing the grout on the tile and am moving on to Will's room. I doubt like hell it'll be done before the first of the year, but Will can't read a calendar yet so I'm not too worried.





This is my nephew (sister's son, not Mary's sister's son) who told me he didn't want his picture taken. I'm such a nice guy I tricked him into looking at the camera, and now you're on the net. Take that! Uncle Ben Strikes Again!

Is it just me or does William look just a wee bit aprehensive?

My son, my sister, my mom, my grandmother. What an awesome picture.

Me, my son, my sister, my mom, my nephew, AND my grandmother. It just keeps getting better!

I can't express what an awesome day Sunday was. We drove down to S'ville and dined with my mom's family at my Grandmother's home. She lives in an assisted living center and we ate lunch in a private dining room. 2 of my mom's brothers and their wives came down. J and C have been sort of MIA since M and I got married but were in attendance. They lodge sat so mom could attend our wedding and we've just missed them on several occassions since then. T and G are back from the lovely vacation get away that is IRAQ! Welcome home you two, we've missed you! C and M weren't able to attend, but turns out unless we wanted to hang out in the lobby, we were at maximum occupancy for G'mother's apartment We always enjoy visiting with family, and for some reason once you've got your own family, it takes on a whole new meaning.

I'd write more, but William needs to be put back down, and I've got to get ready for work.

P.S. Tryston, you are so getting a Betsie Wetsy for Christmas.

New Kid on the Block

BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT!!! CLICK HERE DAMNIT!!!

Fixed the link, try it now.


Yeah, William has a new friend. I'm not going to rank his cuteness because I'll piss off some parent somewhere, but he's cute, and if you are that touchy about the cuteness of your baby it's probably ugly.

Wow, lack of sleep makes you kinda sh*tty. If you are a child and are reading this, the * should be replaced with an i. Now go tell your parents they are doing a sh*tty job of keeping you from viewing inappropriate web sites.

Just doing my part to help raise the mouth breathers of the world. Wow, I am in a mood. Could have something to do with young Wilhelm "THE SCREAMING FECES MACHINE" having an absolute meltdown the last two nights. I swear you'd think someone had stabbed him in the head the way he was screaming.

Mary isn't sleeping, I'm not sleeping, and God himself probably can't get any sleep for all the noise this child makes. I will admit that it is getting better. He's only getting us up 2 times a night at this point, but he won't allow us to sleep till midnight. THANK GOD, FOR ALCHOHOL!!! I'm drinking till one of us stops crying. He and I play drink the beer, I win everytime.

On another note, I have been productive around the house. I'll save that for another post because "BABY BITCH-A-LOT" [{(Mary's term, not mine, and Mattel if you are reading this, don't make and sell a doll by that name, we have intellectual property rights damnit) however feel free to throw cash at us, we are in need of funds to fuel our new dependence on wine coolers and Keystone} hell, who am I kidding, we just want a by-line and some creative input on the final product, ya know, something along the line of the color of the poop and the arc of the urine stream] seems to be asleep at the moment. Am I abusing parenthesis, brackets, and other punctual functions? Yes I am.

YES, I am aware that I am slaughtering the English language and that this verbal depletion will lead us into the Apocolypse.

NO, I don't give a sh*t. And little kids who followed my advice from earlier in this post should have nice warm butt cheeks and revoked internet privileges.

Its Magic!

Yeah, must be that clean living. It isn't Coors, but its more than a 12 pack.

I'll get online later tonight when I'm feeding William and let ya'll know about my weekend. At the moment he's about asleep and I'm not far behind.

Teaser for the next post: The Sweet Sound of FLUSH!

So...

We put Will down 45 minutes ago. He'd been fed to the gills, changed, bathed, burped...

Now he's sitting in my lap, eatting, crapping, and crying...

First 12 pack of Coors and he's yours, enjoy. Come get this kid.

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree...

...why do you lean so drunkly?

Who is the bastard at marketing that sleeps at night knowing he put this out to fool the world?

That picture on the box is NOT the actual product. That has to be like an artist's conception, or maybe one of those sketches they do in court because they won't allow cameras, or maybe, just maybe, THAT ISN'T THE SAME FREAKING TREE!!!

I can't grasp why the number of tips is important. It's not like someone will come over and admire the tree (like anyone is going to admire this pipecleaner reject) and comment,

"Nice tree, that's gotta have over 350 tips right?"

"Oh yeah, 389 to be exact."

No, if someone comes over they will ask us if our artificial tree was sick when it died. Yes, it looks that bad.

"Realistic Branches", my ASS! When is the last time you saw a branch that looked like twisted metal dipped in paper mache?

"Flame Retardant"... DAMN!

"Tree Stand Included"... Yeah, as you can see in the picture of ours, it works like a charm. Its like a leaning tree of cheapness and bad taste.

"Ten Year Warranty"... As if ANYONE will be hanging onto this gem for a decade. $15.77 at the Wal-Mart, well heck we're only paying $1.58 a year for this great tree with optional near vertical stand! What a bargain. Wait, and you mean I get to take this thing apart and put it in storage every season, and then drag it down to lean drunkenly in my living room? Where do I sign up?

Needless to say, Mary and I will be purchasing a new tree at the end of this season. I don't care that much one way or the other. I enjoy ranting about our tree, in fact if we keep it I'll make it a point of pride to continue using it. Sure, it's ugly, but it's paid for and I enjoy bitching about it. Funny story, Mary tried to put the tree together upside down. That's gonna cost me, but I thought ya'll should know.

In other news, I can't wait for Will to start eatting baby food...

Keep my ass up all night with the crying and the fussing...

Before I sign off and get dressed for work, I'd like to wish my big sister a happy birthday. Jose's is closed so we can't go there and have you wear the sombrero and have the staff sing Feliz Cumpleanos a Ti, but just know I was aware of your birthday and thinking of you yesterday. Love ya sis.

Oh yeah, Mary hit me lastnight for going to bed wearing ear plugs from the gun range. I think she's just a little jealous she didn't think of it first.

PICTURES OF MY MEAT

Scroll down to view my meat...




































































PERVERT! VENISON! GEEZE!

Although the look on Mary's face when I told her I was going to post pictures of my meat on my blog was very entertaining.

Ok, the top pic is the meat, uh my meat, from the buck I killed this season. That is 15 packages of steak and 32lbs of ground. You can see, my freezer runneth over. I didn't shoot a deer this weekend, and judging from the condition of my freezer, I'd say that was a good thing.

Tag managed to shoot a VERY nice buck.

My brother in law took this doe. He would have had another but his black powder rifle misfired on him. All in all, it was cold but fun this weekend. I saw one doe, but passed on her. I also saw a skunk just walking down a fence line. That was pretty neat, you don't often see them unless they are being a nuisance in your neighborhood.

Check out the photo page for more pictures of Will.