Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree...

...why do you lean so drunkly?

Who is the bastard at marketing that sleeps at night knowing he put this out to fool the world?

That picture on the box is NOT the actual product. That has to be like an artist's conception, or maybe one of those sketches they do in court because they won't allow cameras, or maybe, just maybe, THAT ISN'T THE SAME FREAKING TREE!!!

I can't grasp why the number of tips is important. It's not like someone will come over and admire the tree (like anyone is going to admire this pipecleaner reject) and comment,

"Nice tree, that's gotta have over 350 tips right?"

"Oh yeah, 389 to be exact."

No, if someone comes over they will ask us if our artificial tree was sick when it died. Yes, it looks that bad.

"Realistic Branches", my ASS! When is the last time you saw a branch that looked like twisted metal dipped in paper mache?

"Flame Retardant"... DAMN!

"Tree Stand Included"... Yeah, as you can see in the picture of ours, it works like a charm. Its like a leaning tree of cheapness and bad taste.

"Ten Year Warranty"... As if ANYONE will be hanging onto this gem for a decade. $15.77 at the Wal-Mart, well heck we're only paying $1.58 a year for this great tree with optional near vertical stand! What a bargain. Wait, and you mean I get to take this thing apart and put it in storage every season, and then drag it down to lean drunkenly in my living room? Where do I sign up?

Needless to say, Mary and I will be purchasing a new tree at the end of this season. I don't care that much one way or the other. I enjoy ranting about our tree, in fact if we keep it I'll make it a point of pride to continue using it. Sure, it's ugly, but it's paid for and I enjoy bitching about it. Funny story, Mary tried to put the tree together upside down. That's gonna cost me, but I thought ya'll should know.

In other news, I can't wait for Will to start eatting baby food...

Keep my ass up all night with the crying and the fussing...

Before I sign off and get dressed for work, I'd like to wish my big sister a happy birthday. Jose's is closed so we can't go there and have you wear the sombrero and have the staff sing Feliz Cumpleanos a Ti, but just know I was aware of your birthday and thinking of you yesterday. Love ya sis.

Oh yeah, Mary hit me lastnight for going to bed wearing ear plugs from the gun range. I think she's just a little jealous she didn't think of it first.