Who Knows What Stupidity Lies in the Heart of This Man?

Hell, I do. So on my way home from work today I decide to stop at Lowes and pick up some tools and supplies for Operation: Quick, the Kids on the way, fix up this Death Trap! I go in and buy the usual stuff, industrial floor scraper, romex (12:2 for those in the know), pneumatic texture gun, carpet tack strips, pole sander, you know, the usual stuff.

After a quick dinner of Chicken Express I decide to try out my new heavy duty industrial grade floor scraper. Good idea? Nope, bad idea. It is apparent now that the scraper I have purchased is not so good for linoleum flooring. So we aren't starting on the right foot, but this will get better right?

You know those little razor scrapers that hold a standard single edged razor? Yeah, you do, you just aren't thinking hard enough. Anyway I get this little blade and begin trying to remove about 50 square feet of 20 year old linoleum. Imagine filling an in ground pool with a 5 gallon bucket and you realize that this is going to take awhile. So I slap on my knee pads (the good ones) and get to cutting and scraping. I think also that it would be a good idea to peel off the vinyl layer and then soak the underlayment with hot water. Thinking I'm onto something, my wife goes online to double check. Yeah, I'm following the right path.

So after four and a half hours of knee crunching, back breaking, hand bruising scraping and mopping, I'm only about 1/4 of the way through the kitchen. Next time I'm at Lowes I think a 5 gallon bucket of Turpentine is in my future.

The next time you have the idea to tackle that home improvement project on a Monday night, stop, sit down, put your head between your knees and take deep breaths. If the urge persists consume 1 to 4 beers until either the urge to work passes, or you incapacitate yourself, thus preventing that bad idea from becoming bad action.

There you have it, a glimpse into the stupidity that rears its drooling lazy eyed head every now and then and gets me in over my head. Tune in later this week when we discuss the proper removal of razor blades from the holder, and how to dial 911 without dripping blood all over the nice new phone.