Wow, my stupidity knows no bounds...

Right, so I started ripping up 25 year old linoleum on Monday. This stuff is old enough to get a good rate on auto insurance for crying out loud, which I have done to no end. I hate linoleum. Check that, I hate removing old stuck linoleum.



Yeah, that's me in all my studliness, dishing out a beat down on that linoleum. Note the contractor's grade knee pads? Yeah, I get freaky with those. It isn't everyday you see a fat boy with an industrial floor scraper and knee pads ripping it up, is it?










Hell, I look so good we're going for the reverse angle now. Too bad Mary didn't have the camera out when I mooned her, it was my best side. Anyway at this point I've pretty much scraped the floor into submission and left it crying in the trash bags. Yeah, I'm a bad man. At this point in the remodel you're too far along to stop and put things back the way they were if you change your mind. You are now fully committed to the project, and come hell or high water, you must finish.






So while scraping the floors, my wife, whom I love more than life itself, utters the dreaded, "WHILE WE'RE SCRAPING THE FLOORS, WE MIGHT AS WELL REMODEL THE WHOLE KITCHEN". I think at this point I pee'd a little. I must have been too long without sleep because I hear somebody say, "yeah, thats a good idea honey". Oh no, those words came out of my mouth! I just committed myself to a full kitchen remodel. My stupidity, raising the bar yet again.



As you can see from the photographic evidence here, we now have 3 major appliances residing outside of our home. I beleive, and correct me if I'm wrong, that we have just vaulted ourselves into the official status of White Trash. My next assignment is to get a car up on blocks in the front yard and chain a multitude of ill tempered baby eatting dogs to the bumper. Our new neighbor isn't so sure about us anymore.



So where are the dishes and food and crap we normally store in the cabinets?



Here,



Here,



AND HERE! Yeah, thats the new liquor cabinet. High class huh?

So the floor is pretty much ripped up, the cabinet doors and drawers have been removed, the dish washer and stove are living on the porch, and the fridge is living in the dining room. My stupidity seems to have gotten me in some trouble again. Yeah, I said again. Now if you've ever been to my house you know its a little strange. 7 foot ceilings, substandard wiring, you know, that sort of fun stuff. I had no idea how lucky I was living in ignorance. I removed the stove to find this.



Doesn't quite look up to code to me, what with the tape holding it together.



The spots you see on the floor are where the concrete popped out when I removed a tack strip. Nice huh? Yeah I've got to patch holes in my foundation for crying outloud. I really didn't want to do that, hell I didn't even want to know you could get holes in the foundation.

We also scraped the popcorn textured ceiling, and got drywall dust everywhere. I mean everywhere. This crap is on every horizonatl surface in the house. I'd post pictures of it but I can't find the camera in this world of white. When I stepped out of the house for a smoke, a girl walking down the street asked her mom what was wrong with me. I think I overheard the word "albino", and I can see that, what with the chalky skin tone and pink eyes from the dust. Nasty stuff. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed when I remembered I'm not alone in the voyage through hell. I've got a partner who's not so good with a hammer but is great at keeping me calm giving me a hand where she can.



There she is, the Juanita to my Paco, the Yin to my Yang, the Peaches to my Herb. My wife. She's sorta the reason, well actually she and the child she's carrying are the reason for a complete home remodel. If it wasn't for my wife I wouldn't be doing all this because I couldn't even try without my partner over there. And look at that butt! Nice huh? Honey I love you, although I'm not so fond of home improvement at the moment.

Alright, there's my update, enjoy it, and send all donations in the form of Home Depot gift cards to our mailbox.