Somehow this just isn't that funny

So this morning I pop out of bed around 6am, after logging about 5 hours of sleep, and take Wilhelm into the living room for a bit of breakfast. I'm drinking my coffee, he's drinking whatever the hell is in baby formula, and life is good. He and I make faces at one another and burp in each other's faces until Mary gets up and decides we both need baths. Mine was pretty uneventful, but Wills was fun.

Bathing a baby is one of those little pieces of being a parent that you just aren't ready for. First of all, the kid is cold, pissed off, and tries to make a break for it. Even if that break involves rolling off of the counter and onto a tile floor, they will go for it. Good Lord, I've gotta say my kid hates bathtime, and after we were both done screaming at each other I say let him run around and we'll hose him off when company comes to call.

Right now it is about 10:15pm. This is a time that, before I became a parent, I looked at as being the warning bell. I only had another hour and a half before I really had to THINK about getting ready for bed. Now 10:15 had become that mythic time of "wow, you really stayed up past 10pm? You must be exhausted." I found myself napping in my office chair at 5pm. I don't nap. If I nap I wake up feeling queasy and unbalanced. Now if I don't nap I feel irritable, angry, hostile, and somewhat sensitive to outside stimulous. Today for example, they are building a development across the street from our house. And when I say across the street, I mean if I don't put on some clothes in the morning, I end up mooning the crew not 30 yards from my bedroom. I think Mary is handling the lack of sleep better than I am. She only cries once a day.

Anyway, he's sleeping now and will be awake again in less than an hour. At that point he'll want to be entertained until 2am or so. Then he'll sleep till 4, maybe 6am, and get us back up. I love him. I love him alot. If I didn't love him, he'd be living in a crate with our dogs in the back room instead of a crib next to our bed.

There, just letting ya'll know. I apologize if I've ever been smug about someone's new kid. Obviously I have been because God is smacking me around to teach me the errors of your ways. I kid you not, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for stuff I'm sure I haven't done, but may have thought. I'M SORRY! Now could you let my kid sleep through the night? Please?

There you have my scary Halloween post, and if you're thinking of having children, come borrow mine for a day or two and you'll be cauterizing your reproductive organs with a soldering iron and a rusty pair of pliers.

Happy Halloween!