I'm ignoring the NM posting to bring you this.

I have been successful in adding 36 square feet of bare concrete to my kitchen by removing an equal number of square feet of tile, which I worked hard with my father in law to put down lastnight.

Those of you who bet that Neal Jr. would actually rip up brand new tile because it was crooked, call Vegas, it owes you money. I could have dealt with it if I was going to put carpet next to the tile, but putting down laminate floor meant that the flooring throughout the entire house would be running crooked. I wasn't going to go through all the trouble of flooring the entire house and then not be happy, regretting that I should have torn up the tile and started over. Well, I tore it up, and it tore me up in return. I'm blown out. I'm covered in sweat, broken thinset, and tile chips. I gotta say, I mix up one hell of a batch of thinset. This stuff doesn't let go without serious hits from a hammer and chisel.

Tomorrow, we start over, and measure 15 times to make sure we are laying the FIRST tile correctly. Then we are going to measure anothe 15 times when we lay the 2nd. Then we'll break for lunch. Seriously though, still haven't heard anything about the counter tops yet, which is good because I'm STILL not ready.

This house hates me.

Almost the end

So its almost the end of the month, and no I still haven't got the stuff about New Mexico ready to post. Tell me, do you really want to hear about it or not. If not I'll not bore you, if you do I'll attempt to make it humorous.

In the meantime, I layed some tile tonight with the help of my father in law. I set up my reference lines and then promptly screwed it up. I have a nice crooked tile floor coming in. At this point I don't know if I care that its crooked. I could either rip up the 21 tiles I layed tonight and start over, or just keep going and tell people that they need to see a doctor when they comment on the crooked tiles. Honestly I don't care at this point. This is a starter home, and I've started screwing it up pretty good. The floor is crooked enough that Mary spotted it right away (why she didn't tell me when I was laying the tile is a mystery to me). So its bad enough to be noticed.

On a positive note, I'm headed to the deer lease this weekend and I'm pretty excited about it. I have alot of work to do here and feel guilty about not doing it, but damn I need some time away from all this.

Anyway, let me know about the New Mexico trip. Post a comment and I'll go with the majority.

Day 4, I'm outta gas

Well, its almost the end of the 4 day push and I'm exhausted. I didn't get started till almost 10 this morning, and the only thing I've managed to do was get the cabinet bases on the west side of the kitchen painted. I had so much I wanted to do today but I must concede defeat. I'm too tired. No pics, no funny remarks (well, funny to me at least), I'm just tired and want to rest.

The counter tops will be in this week, the kitchen is ready to receive them. I'll post again later.

And yes, I know the month is almost over and you haven't seen anything about Ruidoso. Deal with it, month isn't over yet.

Love you all, and hope your weekend went well.

Day 3, I'm Da Man

16 hours ago I woke up, kissed my wife, and started my day. Today's plan was to tile the backsplash, and paint the cabinets. We had mixed results. My dad was kind enough to offer help. This meant he was willing to drive 150 miles to help me with my kitchen, then drive 150 miles back home. I'm proud he's my dad, thats just the kind of guy he his, in short my hero. I declined his offer due to the fact that we have a galley kitchen that is tough enough for two people to cook in, much less work on remodeling in. I can't thank him enough for the offer.

So I start mixing up my thin set. This is a bit of an art. I've done this a time or two before though and it wasn't too tough. Because I was tiling a vertical surface it had to be thick and sticky, without being thick and dry. At this point when you want to add a bit of moisture, you're better off spitting in the bucket instead of pouring in too much water. I must say, I'm good at this because all my tiles stuck to the wall, didn't sag or wiggle out of alignment, or any of those unpleasant things that can cause a man to behave like a toddler (and yes, I have thrown a tantrum or two during this mess).



Sad to say, we lost a good friend today. Cheap Orange Bucket has been with me since I really started doing any sort of remodeling and was quite reliable. He cost me a buck fifty a couple of years back and was always there when I needed him. He never complained about being stored in the heat, carrying all sorts of tools, and getting beaten around by my industrial mixer. Alas today the industrial mixer got the better of him. He held together long enough for me to mix up the thinset, and get all the wall tiles set. Upon clean up, I found a mortal wound on my trusted friend. The mixer tore a 3 inch hole in his side. He held just enough water for me to finish cleaning up my tools. What a trooper. Old friend, you will be missed. Should you feel moved by this loss, feel free to send any monetary donations to me via the Cheap Orange Bucket memorial fund. Maybe we'll raise enough to purchase another bucket.



As I was finishing up all my cuts for trimming around the window I realized I must possess the same sort of amnesia that women have when they agree to have a second child. I HATE laying tile. I especially HATE laying tile on a vertical surface. Enough time passes, and you forget how the thinset drys out your hands until they feel like they are going to split, how the thinset sticks to everything and cannot be wiped off, how the stuff drys out and has to be constantly restirred, and how the wetsaw sprays your crotch with a mixture of water and clay particles so it looks like you pee'd some brown stuff in your pants. But enough time passes and your spouse reminds you of how much you enjoy the tile, how nice it looks, and what a good job you did last time. So you forget all the pains it caused and leap back into the fray. Women, we're suckers.



Anyway, my inlaws are remodeling their kitchen as well and needed some assistance this afternoon. Well, in reality they needed the help this morning, but I couldn't get free till around 5pm. Sorry guys. I'll not go into the details of their remodel because A) Not my house B) You don't care. After a satisfying dinner of Whataburger we were back at the house and the tile was calling.



Grout, gotta say this stuff is a pain in the ass. You have to mix it just so. In fact its more critcal than the thinset. Too much water and it won't go around the tiles, cause it just runs. Too dry and you can't pack it into the gaps around the tile. You're striving for a consistancy like damp sand, but not too damp, but not too dry. In other words it is a pain in the ass. I finished my grouting, cleaned up the tiles (because when you grout, it looks like you covered the whole wall in mud, and I mean the water and dirt kind), and buffed them, I put on the cover plate for my new GFCI outlet.



Even my wife agrees, I got SKILLS.
Gotta say, I'm good.

Day 2, always read the directions...

Today I made a trip to the Home Depot for some backer board, 1X8's and various other items. My purchase and trip went without a hitch, and even managed to unload without incident. The first project I tackled was to fix that GFCI outlet. It worked fine, but the plug for my ice box wasn't working. I put in a new box, and straightned out the wiring without a bit of trouble.



Next project was the one that took up pretty much the entire day. I had torn out the drywall and was replacing it with cement backer board. I grabbed the directions at the store and read that you had to use a carbide tipped scoring tool, then snap the stuff like you would drywall. Lemme tell ya something, if you read past that bit about scoring it, and not using a circular saw, you find a paragraph pertaining to wearing gloves. I didn't read this paragraph, and now sit here with hands that are raw, blistered, dry, and sliced up pretty well. Evidently the fiber reinforced concrete backer board is very abrasive, and the cement pulls the moisture out of your skin. When the board is scored it creates dust, which is still very course. When this is on the grip of your scoring tool and you squeeze it very tightly, you are imbedding this cement fiber crap into your skin. Also the fibers that reinforce this stuff are fiber-glass. It hurts to type. It took me many hours to accomplish this.



And this will be my backsplash for the stove. Well, I suppose I should put some tile up to make it a bit prettier. Oh crap, didn't take that picture. I blame the beer. But its OK, I'm not drinking alone. Don't worry about him, he's just a lightweight.



I also finished painting the ceiling, should be the final coat. Even if it doesn't look right it still might be the final coat. Here's the pink paint I used. It's not really worth posting a pic of, but I'm kinda drunk and it makes me grin.



Mary brought me Chili's for dinner, ya know, since I demolished the counter where the microwave goes. She's good to me, and I'm good to her. I know what my wife likes, oh yeah. Bitch likes a new kitchen.

Day 1, I'm a stupid stupid man

So after the first day of this remodel marathon I have finished up my ceiling and just need to put on one more coat of paint. Yeah, and it'd be done now but I didn't want to drive to the Home Depot. Speaking of those orange aproned folks, it looks like my counters won't be in till next week. I should be glad because I'm not quite ready for them, but at the same time they promised them to be done in 3 weeks instead of 4. Whatever.



So after one day, I have destroyed more than I have created. This is not good. If this keeps up I'll call my realtor and ask for another house to screw up. I ripped out my back splash, and found it to have water damage. Good thing I wasn't going to reuse it. While working around my window I located where the water had softened my sheetrock. Great, more work. I also wired in a GFCI outlet next to the sink. I paid in blood for that one. I mean literally I've left enough of myself on the wire nuts for that wiring box to be declared a possible crime scene.



Good news though, turns out I DO have insulation in my west and east facing walls. Well, at least in the kitchen. I hate my builder. I measured between studs, ya know since they were exposed and all. Turns out this thing has 25" studs on center. What the hell? I mean the standard is 18", some people go 20, some 24, but 25? I guess this guy was enjoying his bathtub meth when he got to building on this deathtrap.



I'm still not happy with my wiring job. Something about the new receptacle working and the one next to it not working, makes me think I may have a bit of a problem. I think I wore a groove in the hallway carpet running from the kitchen to the breaker box. Oh yeah, since the counter is missing and the power is iffy, our last method of heating food is gone.



Get me my crash helmet and drool cup, tomorrow I'm headed to Home Depot and will be looking to tile the backsplash. I've got a birthday comeing up along with a son due about the same time. All I want this year is a Wellbutrin salt lick for my spinny wheel.

Ok, this won't be fun

So things have slowed down at work, and I'm taking a couple of days off. This means 96 hours of home improvement. To celebrate this hell to be, Mary and I went to Chili's for dinner. Since this remodel has begun, we've had to eat out quite a bit. We enjoy the INFREQUENT dining out experience. Tonight we walk in and Kimberly (our waitress) greets us and says "Welcome back". Great, we are now regulars. I keep this up and I'll have to put that damn pound counter back on the blog.

In other news, deer season is almost upon us and I am stoked to the point where Mary has threatened to bitch slap me if I don't shut up. Bambi, if you're reading this. Run. Run Far, Run Fast, 'cause come December I'm coming to gitcha!




And for those of you who think I don't believe there is a place for all of God's creatures, you're wrong. Some of them have a place right next to the vegies and biscuit.




Next year, I'm going to catch these tasty little guys...




Oh yeah, Bambi first, Dory and Marlin next. Let the season begin.

Goodbye Counter

So I got rid of my pound counter because I hit my goal of 215lbs. I started this thing back around Valentines day and weighed around 250lbs, which was down from my heaviest weight of 275lbs. So pat me on the back or whatever, just didn't want to leave that thing up there for the next year.

Alright, I know you are just dying to hear about my further adventures in home improvement. I'll not leave you hanging. Over the week I primed the drywall and sprayed three coats of texture to fill in the spot where everything came down. Well, in the books I've read they warn against this practice because it won't hide the defects. I'll be damned, they do know what they are writing about. It looked terrible. So I took some drywall compound and feathered in a bit to level up the area. I then sanded down the stuff to make it smooth and even. I followed this up with Bubbly Boy treatment (don't try to recycle those little tarps. The cost $1.50 and don't hold up to repeated use) and sprayed a nice coat of texture over the entire kitchen and dining area ceiling. This looks much better, but I can still see the defects. I hate being Neal Junior.

So after this dried a bit, I finished priming (yeah, I said PRIME, wanna make something of it?) the cabinets and put on the first coat of real paint. Can you believe I've been on this project for 40 days and am just getting to the painting?

I'm sitting here now, covered in drywall dust, paint, primer, and texture. I keep thinking torching the house and starting over may be just the ticket, but going to jail for insurance fraud right before my son is born might not be the best out there.

No, I haven't put any new pictures up for you.

No, I won't be pressured to put up pictures (even by my wife who wants the pics from New Mexico).

Yes, I'm taking off from the house tomorrow morning and going to the HUNTER'S EXTRAVEGANZA!!! Its in Fort Worth and I need a break from the mess, I mean house.

Promise to have the NM pics up before the month is out.

Hope you're all having a good weekend, and I hope at some point or another in your life you get to feel the pain of a remodel. After all, misery loves company.

Prime

Let us review "PRIME" things shall we?

Prime Rib
Prime Time
Optimus Prime
Prime the Pump
Prime Numbers

And F@#*$^! PAINT PRIMER!!!

I promise you I will get around to posting pics and writing a detailed account of our trip to Ruidoso NM, but that isn't going to happen today.

First of all, let me tell you about my ceiling.

I scraped off the old accoustic texture. This involved water, a scraper, and a pole. This also involved my shoulders getting pretty sore, but hey, it only put about 6 pounds of drywall dust throughout the house. So I finish with that and get my drywall compound (heretofor be known as MUD), and touched up the seams. I then sanded the ceiling, again involving sore shoulders, and cleaned up the dust again.

Next I took my PRIMER, that's right, I said F%#@*#! PRIMER!!! I used Zinser primer. Which up till this point had done a fabulous job of sealing up the stain on my cabinets. So I take my lovely Zinser and roll two coats onto the ceiling. Yes, this again involved sore shoulders. Well, I used up the last of my primer and went to the store. At this point I'd only PRIMED about a fourth of the ceiling. While there I got some "DRYWALL PRIMER". Yeah, I thought, PRIMER was PRIMER, I was DEAD, F'ING, WRONG!

Evidently there is a certain formula in "drywall primer" that makes it adhere to drywall, and it supposed to be used before you texture. "Meh" I said, I'll use this to finish up the kitchen and no trouble will come of this.

So I then texture my ceiling (see the bubble boy post for any more info). After texturing I again, wait for it, wait for it...



PRIMED!!!

Yeah, primed after texturing, then put on a coat of ceiling paint (the pink stuff that dries white).

This evening I'm about to put on a second and final coat of paint, when I see a small lip where the texture, primer, and paint ended at my hanging tarp. I give this a gentle pull to make sure it's clean and smooth before I paint.

Here's the result of that small pulling action.




and




So after freaking out and screaming obscenities, flinging tools, and the ritual torture of paint department employee from a large orange store (and I won't post these pics for fear of state and local authoraties getting involved), I composed myself and begin to begin again.

I scraped any and all loose material (ya know, that layer of primer, texture and paint), swept up the mess, and broke out the can of "DRYWALL F'ING PRIMER) and put three, count them with me.

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
THREE COATS OF F#%$@&^ PRIMER

Here are the results of this fun little excercise





and




And yes, this did result in more sore shoulder.


I hate this house.

LLAMA SONG!!!!

Ok folks, I'm headed to the mountains of New Mexico for the weekend and this'll probably be my last post until I get back. To tide you over (and yes I'm sure some of you have heard this before) here is another catchy tune for you to have stuck in your head until I get home.

Enjoy, and as always, I await your hate mail.

Pictures from the Bubble Boy Post

So I'm still fighting to get these posted, and I'm trying to use another post to see if it'll work.

Yeah, it did. In celebration we're going to try a new post. I'm running low on annoying catchy inappropriate songs at the moment (who'd of thought?) so here is a pic of a tree near our Lowes in Weatherford. New post is "What The Hell Is That". Who ever can correctly identify this plant will receive one slightly used kleenex.

Monday Morning, 6:40am, what is that thing in my breakfast?

The sun isn't even up yet, and I'm brewing my coffee, making my protein shake, and packing my lunch. I leave the lights off in the kitchen for two reasons. First, it would wake up Mary who gets to sleep in because it's her summer vacation. Second because MY KITCHEN DOESN'T HAVE ANY LIGHTS! Ok, so I go over to my desk, which has the only light in the living room that won't wake up Mary and start drinking my shake. I look into the glass and see that I have chunks of drywall texture floating in it. I fished them out and cried a little. I really want my kitchen back.

Bubble Boy, your room is ready

So today I got brave enough to take my texture gun out of the box, hook it up to the air compressor, and spray some crap I mixed up in my tub onto my ceiling. As you can see, my kitchen is now wrapped in enough plastic to make a nice large oxygen tent, or one of those germ proof portable habitats for Bubble Boy.



Of course I just discovered several areas I missed, and that it doesn't look "professional" to me, but that is typical and I don't care. I'll touch it up tomorrow evening, then paint it on Tuesday night. Today I also went and taped all my doors and drawers for the two tone paint job we're going to do. I lied, I do care. I do care because I want this to look good and like the crew from "This Old House" stopped by to do some work, not like "The Three Stooges" got into a paint, pie, and tile fight in my house. Strangly enough, my kitchen currently resembles the handiwork of Larry, Moe, and Curly.

I'll backtrack a bit and fill ya in on the weekend. Friday evening I decided I needed to go see my parents in Kingsland to pick up a trailer. I decided this at 6:30pm. At 7pm we were on the road. We spent the night and visited a little bit, but it was too late for serious visitation. Saturday morning Mary and I dragged our butts out of bed and had a great home cooked breakfast from my mom. Yeah, she's great. Dad and I went to his shop to install the trailer hitch on my KIA and rewire the lights on the trailer. This was lots of fun except for the wasp nest under the trailer, the hot pavement where we were working, and the toasty 100+ degree heat.

By the time we finished the work it was lunch time, but mom had been struck down with migraine headache. So dad, Mary, and myself ate bar-b-q for lunch, visited for a little while, and decided to head back to the house. Mary and I returned home around 7:30pm with the trailer and stayed in to relax. So that's my exciting weekend.

1. Road trip
2. Sweat while mechanicin'
3. Lunch with Dad, but not Mom (yeah, boo)
4. Drive Home
5. Wrap kitchen in plastic
6. Whip up funky plaster stuff in tub
7. Spray plaster stuff at my ceiling
8. Tape off 27 doors and drawers (Thanks for the help Mary)
9. Dinner at Chili's
10. Post Blog and go to bed.

Hope ya'll had a great weekend and stay safe.

Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck!!!

Well Kick A Midget!!! (ha ha J)

For some reason blogger isn't allowing me to post pics tonight. I'll try to get them up in the next day or two before I head to the races.

Curious Ben Strikes Again, and again, and again, and...

So I go to the Home Depot with Wife in the Big Yellow Hat, here to be known as WBYH (sounds like a radio station actually) {did you know that radio stations east of the Mississippi River start with a W, and those west of it start with a K} [okay, I'm stalling telling you what a boob I was tonight], and we go to order some new counters. We have a counter along the outside wall, and a bar that parallels the other counter, and butts into the wall. We pick a color, choose an edge, select a bunch of other crap, and the helper draws us a picture of our order. I'm looking down at it, and ask which side is up on the drawing, because I'm concerned the rounded edges will end up agains the straight wall. At this point WBYH smacks me in the arm and says, "Well Honey, you could always just turn it around".

Yeah, I need a minder to keep me in my diaper and keep me from flinging poop. Thank God for Mary.